Screwing the World

Releasing high schoolers on the last day of school at 10 am is basically asking for us to go out and look for trouble.  I'm sorry, but its true.

So tomorrow at 10:02 am, after a record fast crap-dumping of my beloved locker, I shall be walking down the side of a highway to a restaurant with a member of the opposite sex with no parental supervision!

Translated into non-exaggerated terms: A male friend and I will be walking down the side of a 4 lane road for a few feet to get to the chinese restaurant in the shopping center next to our school.  Hard core.

Lately I've realized that I'm a little too hard on myself.  Not about school work and stuff like that.  Academically I'm quite the opposite.  But as far as relationships and decision making, I think I'm treating myself more like a forty year old than a teenager.  I spend too much time worrying about what people think of me, what they want from me, and how to manipulate things so they will go the way I want.  No more!

This summer I'm going to just live life to the fullest, be myself, and screw the world.

Accomplishment

100 question take home geometry test,
You
Are
My
Bitch

You don't know how good that feels to say...

Heartfelt Confessions

They're beautiful.  They're also a bitch.  Although, inexplicably, you feel a lot better once you've gotten them off your chest.  Here I go.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking.  Trying to sort out some weird feelings I've been having.  Even though they're my feelings, I really can't make as much sense of them as I'd like to.  But here's what I've figured out:

To me, what I seek in relationships isn't so much a physical connection as an emotional one.  Someone I can spill all my secrets to, not just make out with.  Lately, I've been noticing a certain person about once a day around 10:12 in the morning.  At first it was recognition, but now it's become what I guess you might call attraction.  Not completely romantic attraction, but the other definition too.  A feeling of being drawn toward something.  Or someone.  

This certain attractive person happens to be a girl as well.  

This is where it gets complicated.  It seems I find myself "attracted" (again, in the drawn to sense not the romantic sense) to a different people all the time, and I really can't explain why.  It's so strange I can't even come up with a good metaphor for it.

Maybe this will be explained soon.  Maybe not.  All I know is it's probably just a phase, or hormones, or something.

Most likely no one will ever read this, much less anybody who knows me.  But it just feels good to feel like I'm telling someone.  Sometimes just talking to a wall that won't say anything back or think differently about you is just what you need.  

Decency

Today, May 2nd, 2011, Osama bin Laden was killed by US troops in Pakistan.  All over the country people celebrated and danced in the streets.  Justice had been done.

This news made me happy and sad at the same time.  I'm extremely happy that bin Laden can no longer do harm to us, and I'm happy that we are now significantly safer than we were.

But it also makes me sad the way some people are reacting to this news.  Even though he was responsible for incomprehensibly terrible crimes, the fact remains that he was a person just like the rest of us.  Yes, he had different views on things than we do.  Even though he may have done things going against your every value, just imagine how you looked to him.

The point is, we're all different.  That is what makes us humans, and that is why we are beautiful.

I implore you not to take this the wrong way, but I do have respect for anyone who stands up for what they believe in.  That is why I wish people would act just a little more decently.  Don't celebrate an enemy's death, celebrate our safety.  =)

Waiting for the Phone to Ring

I've been doing this to the point where it's pretty much an obsession.  Even as I type this post, my phone is sitting next to me, ring volume all the way up, waiting for a call.  A call that may or may not come.

I think I must have been born in the wrong decade, because almost everything I do, like, and even say is pretty old fashioned.  Most people living in the twenty first century would simply facebook their boyfriend.  Or text or email him.  Or at least ask him for his phone number in return.  Not me, apparently.  As we said goodbye after the last day of school before spring break began, I scribbled down my phone number on the back of my math worksheet, handed it to him, and we went our separate ways.

Being the shy type, there is a definite possibility he won't call.  There is also, however, just as great a possibility that he will.  I just don't know.

Either way, this sure is fun.

BLT

Most people look around and see nothing.

I look around and I see beauty.  

Anything can be beautiful, be it a tree, a sock, a sandwich, a flower, a person, an idea, some words, a smile.  

This is where I will record my findings in my search for life's beauty.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll learn a thing or two along the way.